So I know there are a few of us who are constantly battling the demons of our choices. We just can't seem to find people who understand us. We all seem to not want to let go of what we have been through and move on. No one understands the feelings we have, no one understands the fear we felt. No one seems to know what it's like to watch a life fade before your own eyes. God forbid they do something like go to a foreign country and do battle with a person who looks different, talks different, believes different. Do you know what its like to go somewhere and be hated for what they think you believe?
Truth is this, they don't.
Granted, I don't think what I went through is anything like what the Marines went through on Tarawa, Guadalcanal, Khe San, Hue City, or even Beruit. Nor do I feel as if I can sit at the same table as the guys who took Baghdad. I do know that I am doing well. I don't need medication, I don't drink excessively, I have great relationships with people. I have struggled, I have been down, and I still have the nightmares of the screams at night, the women on the trucks, and the bearded man who asks me why I shot him. That's usually a pretty interesting dream because we end up talking about other things in my life...does that make me crazy? Whatever, everyone is a little crazy.
It hurts me to know that I have brothers in pain. It hurts to know that all they really need to do is give it up and not carry that weight anymore. You aren't alone in this fight or in this world. There are many out there who do know what you are going through. There are many that will sit and talk with you and talk you through what is going on. The mind is a funny thing... If you give it a chance it will fix itself. You can't drown it out with alcohol or drugs, it takes time and effort. You need to take those demons straight on. You are going to have to go back to the fear, the uncertainty, the anger, and the frustration. You need to realize that, yes you are in control. Yes, you are emotional, and yes you are hurting. Once you realize those things you can deal with them. It may mean you need to be on anti-depressants for a bit. You may need to give up the beer and liquor until you can control it or know where your limit is.
Don't let the pain get you down. Don't let the demons of your choices rule your life. You are not a victim...you are a survivor. The 99%ers can kiss your ass because you know when things get bad you will stand up and fight. Those who think they are going to be part of the 1% need to ask themselves this question: Do I have what it takes to stand up?
I know I do... I've done it. I am doing it. I have been everyday and I will continue to do so. Because I am strong, I am smart, and I want to live the way I feel. I will not be a statistic, I will not be the person people say is "messed up", and I sure as hell won't be the guy who lives off of hand outs for the rest of my life. I earned my title, I earned my place in this world. I have gone forth and done things that people only do in video games. I wear my experience with pride and I give thanks to those have gone before me.
I am the 1%.
I am here for you if you need to talk...