Saturday, February 27, 2010

My Job.

So many of my friends know I work a t a "group home" for teenage boys. Well lets just say it has been an adventure from the first day I came to meet the program and the boys that are here. We mostly deal with kids that have drug and alcohol dependancy issues. Sure I drank while I was in highschool and I messed around with other things as well. I never got caught being the difference. We have a common theme amongst the boys though, that being affluence. Many of these boys come from money. We also have a few kids that come from the "poor side of town" or my favorite euphamism " economically stressed" families. This always leads to interesting conversations at the dinner table. The rich kids tend to talk a lot more and make empty threats, whereas the kids from the other side will just start hitting.

I think one of my favorite conversations I have ever taken part in is what I call the "tussin" conversation. We had a kid who was sent here by an aunt to try to "save" him from a life that his older brother was going down. Well this kid who will remain nameless just happened to be one of the loudest kids I have ever heard in my life. He even breathed loud. Well we were talking about being sick and what my parents or as he said "white parents" do. I told him that my parents were both nurses so they knew if I was faking or not. He said he didn't believe me and that my mom was not one for bull shit. Well he was like I would just get this "tussin" for everything. If I had a headache...tussin, if I skinned up my knee...tussin. If I was messing my drawers...tussin. I finally did what every ignorant white kid does and asked what this "tussin" was. He goes "its tussin man, you know they got commercials and stuff on it." I'm still at a loss. Then quite literally a commercial came on. It was a Robitussen. I was amazed. How did I miss that? It's not like I have lived in a cave my entire life.

Well I have learned a lot of things since I started working here a little over a year and a half. I keep looking forward to the lessons I will be learning.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Seth's list of things that have to go...

I know there are many lists like this out there, but I feel like making my own. If I offend anyone so be it. This is my blog, these are my deal with it.

1. The phrase "y'all", yes its in the dictionary. I hate it. It literally makes you sound retarded.
2. Snow Bros. I don't need to elaborate on this.
3. Those rap songs that are mixed with classic rock songs. Why would you destroy a piece of fantastic music by putting your no talent ass clownery twist to it?
4. Lady Gaga
5. Sarah Palin
6. Car payments.
7. The girl that seems to take the time out of her day to come tell me that I'm stupid and ignorant. I understand that you feel that my jokes are off color, I tend to come off as an "ass" so deal with it. I know you undress me with your eyes...
8. Snow Bros.
9. The stupid glow worms we have to wear for PT.
10. Queer looking PT gear.
11. Vodka, it tastes like burning.
12. Cheap Scotch.
13. The fact that I have to be nice to people that obviously need to have someone tell them they are messed up.
14. Dammit, I want to use vulgar cadences when we do platoon PT. They are funny and make the time go by faster.
15. Dumb Skeezy's
16. My collection of fat around my mid-section.
17. Crazy women, well maybe not. For some reason I tend to like a little bit of insanity. just not the type that tries to kill me. Thats just not cool.
18. PTSD
19. The fact that big boobs are really attractive. I am a legs and butt man through and through. So if any of the ladies out there want a man who will appreciate your fine legs and hind part give me a holler.
20. The fact that I have to impress the ladies. Thats bullshit. I have lived more of a life than 98% of all the guys my age in this country. What the hell have you done?
21. The fact that a women can be smart is intimidating. I find that a smart women are the best.
22. Affliction and Ed Hardy.
23. The dirt bag look.
24. War movies. I'm sorry, if you want to watch a movie that depicts war in a real sense there needs to be long periods of boredom, lots of masterbation, all kinds of pornography, drug abuse, good guys finding out there wives are cheating on them with some fat fucking retard that works at PacSun. Some boot ass officer thinking they know what they are doing. Sometimes the combat scenes are pretty real. More masterbation followed by comparisons to women in the US to women in countries such as Thailand, Okinawa, the P.I. and mexico. Jack shacks and the wonderful and sinful materials found in said shacks. Innebriation. Then show what its like going home to a nation that has been going to the mall and eating Sbarro's pizza and saying "holy shit there is a war going on?" Then having the warrior find out his wife spent all of his money on her boyfriend and one of his kids has some sort of Diabetes that less than 100 people have but he can't afford to buy him medicine because Jody needs to make a car payment.
25. Have you ever ordered some food from shaw and you go to pick it up and the order is completley wrong?
26. Snow Bros.
27. Jocks
28. Position papers
29. People who fart and don't own up to it.
30. Tucker Max needs to be President

I can't think of anything else right now. Believe me though, my list is long.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


So I'm sitting in class right now, its been a really interesting few weeks. It started when I had an interview about women in the military and in particular combat. I'm not going to get into my feelings on the subject just how it started something in me. I remember the day well, June 29, 2005 a day that will never escape my mind. I remember seeing the truck burning, I remember seeing the Marines in pain. I remember shooting at nothing because we thought we were getting shit at. The truck was on its side, I could smell the vile smell of burnt flesh throughout the air. That's a smell that never leaves you, it sticks in the nostrils. I don't want to get more vivid than that so that's where it will end. I remember returning to the CP afterwords to see a young female still in her gear rocking back and forth saying " I saw him, I saw him..." and just not feeling anything for her. We as a squad got together to talk about this and promise each other the remain super vigilant because we were leaving soon. I didn't really think much of it after that.
Well almost 5 years later I was sent an email with a personal message asking to talk to a couple of students making a documentary on said subject. I reluctantly agreed. When I mentioned that I had fought in Fallujah twice, the girl asked when. I gave her the dates and she then asked about the convoy attack. It all came back, like a ton of bricks falling on my head. I remembered seeing the truck get hit. I remembered everything. I was able to hold back throughout the rest of the interview. Well afterwords I walked out to my car and just exploded into tears. I sat there for about an hour just crying. I can't really explain it, but it was just too much to hold in. I usually don't have "nightmares" or "flashbacks", but when I do, I do. They never go away, they just come when they are least expected. I feel vulnerable when this happens, I don't like it. So I tend to withdraw. I tell the boys at the home I work at that emotions are good. I tell them its alright to let your guard down. I never tell myself that.
Well I have found myself opening up a lot lately. I feel better than ever, I am happy with where I'm at, not content. It's been a pretty recent thing for me to say, but I'm returning to the "whetstone" so to speak. I heard this phrase from a Marine that I really look up to. He was talking about how a warrior will always return to his "whetstone" to sharpen his tools and his spirit. The warrior is a student, a constant student. So I have taken his talk and decided to return to my whetstone. I'm feeling it has been far too long since I have sharpened both my mind and body.
I'm not the man I want to be...yet.