My Dreams...

So I have been having this dream for a while, I want to buy a truck and an Air Stream trailer. I want to trave across America and see the sites that I haven't had the opportunity to do. I think it would be awesome. The truck wouldn't be anything special. Just a two seater with a radio and air conditioning. It would have to have a V-8 though. Like I said pretty simple. In the trailer would be a bed and kitchen with a bathroom and a bed. Possibly big enough for two people. I would have a piece of astro-turf big enough for a small table and one possibly two lawn chairs. On the side of the trailer would be a roll out awning. You know for shade and what not. I would go and drive for days and just stop and pull over where ever I decided was a good place to stop. I want to go through Joshua tree and all up the Pacific Coast highway. Then down south to the Appalachian trail. I would go all over the place! Maybe have a d dog with me. Possibly a woman who knows. Women aren't a top priority for me as is a truck and trailer. It would just be nice to share that with someone.

I also want a house on plot of land. I'm not talking about a massive house just a house that will hold me and whoever comfortably. Maybe have some horses and what not. That would be nice...

I want to go run on the Great Wall of China. That would be so awesome. I have yet to meet someone who has actually done that.

I want to be someone. I want to be the type of person people look to for advice on whatever they feel they need help with. I love helping people and watching them advance.

I wish I had a good singing voice. Because I know I would make an outstanding entertainer. I would write the songs that people could identify with and love. Plus my concerts would be something that people would travel days to come and see.

I want to be a skydiving Elvis impersonator. I don't know why, but I think it would be one of those things that would be just so unique.

I want to be a poet.

I dream of the day that I can say, "thats a life to be proud of."

I dream of the day that people can trust each other again. It saddens me to no end that a majority of people can't put trust in their fellow man.

I dream of one day being able to go to family in need and providing them the means to give their childChristmas they deserve.

I have so many dreams...

Sounds good to me...

I will stay fly...

My insecurities...and why they are pure bullshit.

So I'm going to go out on a limb here and just let it out. This is my area and I do what I want.

1. I feel as if I am not man enough...
Ok, let's think about this one. How am I not man enough? I earned the title of United States Marine, I have fought in a war... So that's not really a good example. I have been through more shitty situations then most people I know. Other than going to war, I have lived through watching loved ones send themselves to hell and back. I have dealt with addiction and have been clean for quite sometime. I have been able to shelf my pride on many occasions in order to make situations a lot easier for both myself and others. Adversity... I feel the difference between a man and some person who owns male genitalia is how they deal with adversity. I really don't know of any other way of dealing with it. I have to take it straight on and see what happens. Sometimes I lose and sometimes I win. Either way I end up better then how I was before. If I lose, I always come back and win...and smile. I have owned up to my fears and faced them on many occasions. I accept responsibility and I learn from my mistake.I can accept a situation for what it is.

2. Women won't find me desirable...
Yea, I don't understand this one. I have no problem getting dates. I have no problems when it comes to treating them the way they need to be treated. I just need to realize that it's not me. It's them. I am comfortable with who I am. I know that I have a lot to offer someone if they deserve it. Yes, I said it. If they deserve it. That's another problem. I need to realize that it's not a one way street. They need to be just as involved as I am. If they forget my name after talking to me for a couple of hours then they need to take a walk. Obviously they don't have taste. I know what the inside of the Sistine Chapel smells like. Don't even think that you can sit at the same table as me...

3. I will never be accepted...
Accepted to what? The "mainstream"? Who cares? Most people in this society are petty and ignorant...

4. People wont take me seriously...
Those who know me do, thats all that matters.

5. I'm not sociable...
Have I seen me at a bar/party/gathering? C'mon Seth...

6. I'm not what is considered "in"...
Ok, so I'm not jacked and tan. I won't die of a heart attack at 38 nor will I get skin cancer. Tough luck. I don't find house music appealing and I don't drink myself stupid every weeknight/weekend. Look who doesn't have to deal with drama that comes from talking to the wrong girl last night? Look who doesn't have to worry about his car getting keyed (anymore). Look who doesn't double over in pain whilst crawling to the bathroom to pee!

7. I haven't seen enough of the world...
See number 2...

Thats all I can really think about right now. I am going to take this week and some self reflection and return to this...

Whats going through my mind...

I need to move on. I need to get out of this place and learn from my mistakes.

So I have come to some conclusions about life. I will share them with you now...

Women are crazy.

Men are dumb.

I am awesome.

I have some awesome people in my life.

Doctors have no personality.

The VA sucks.

Westminster College is a hot bed of attractive young girls...

My Subaru isn't the least bit masculine but what the fuck do I have to prove?

I am not getting old, I am getting awesome.

Little kids are like monkeys.

Cougars are a funny breed.

I don't want to be a cop.

Anyway there is more to come but not right now.