I just want you to know...

There is someone that I care deeply for. She makes me happy, she makes me smile. She is definitely one of the best things to enter my life. I wish this she could know how much she means to me. Just merely telling them isn't enough. I wish I was strong enough to really let her know just how I feel. I wish I could let my walls down around her more so I would smile. I don't know why I can't. I feel afraid.

She is much smarter than me, this person is all around just better than me. I wish I had the abilities of her. She is going to be very successful and very important one day. She is already important to me, she is definitely successful in my mind. I just hope she will keep me in her life in one fashion or another.

I will work on being stronger for her. I will try to let her know what she means to me.

To understand...

To understand what we do,

it may be fleeting for someone like you.

We go through hell, we go through fright,

we do it because we long for the fight.

I get up, wake up, look around,

and solace is never to be found.

I don't feel safe I don't feel calm,

yet you place your hand in my palm.

You tell me you are there,

you tell me that you care.

I truly wish you could know,

I wish that I didn't have these scars to show.

We cry for the fallen, we celebrate the standing,

even though for some they never see the angels landing.

We drink down the pain,

hoping for something to gain.

We leave the ones we love,

sometimes only to come back to the one above.

The cries at night only serve to ease,

for it is you I aim to please.

I come back strong yet I come back scared,

for I am the only one who dared.

They look at me like a fool,

even though it is them that is the tool.

I ask you to understand,

and you slowly grab my hand.

You tell me you are proud,

you tell me you are grateful.

I wonder if its true,

or if you say it just to be cool.

The battle home is lonely road,

sometimes you find someone to help with the load.

They have seen the things,

they have done the deeds,

They understand your needs.

You call them a brother,

you call them a friend.

You both know only the dead see the end.

People at school and work will never understand,

that's alright for you have chosen to lend a hand.

Everyday you look at the world through different eyes,

you find those who tend to despise.

You let them bug you for a bit,

you are looking for a chance to hit.

You figure it isn't worth it,

for they don't amount to shit.

You go to the one you love,

and take her and hold her tight.

She knows the soft side of you,

he knows the gentle hand you lay upon his chest.

Yet they will never see the rest.

They will never be in the dirt,

they can't begin to imagine the hurt.

That's okay its not for them,

we are the ones who know.

We are the ones that go.

You will never understand,

what it really means to lend a hand...

The face I see...

I see the man's face so very clear,

I see it as if it were right here.

He looks at me with sadness and grief,

he looks at me like I am but a thief.

I wonder why he comes around,

for his place is in the ground.

I remember the moment that called for death,

600 out and a little bit left.

I pull the trigger and and release my breath.

I watch him twist I watch him fall,

and I think to myself, is that all?

I never see him again but only in my sleep,

ever so often I wake up to a slight weep.

He talks to me like we are friends he talks to me deep,

he asks me why I put him to sleep.

I tell him it's you or me,

and my life is not ready to flee.

He say's he didn't want to die

and I simply answer with neither do I.

He had a family, a boy, a girl, a wife.

I have the rest of my life...

So....

So I have been home from Egypt for quite some time now. I miss that place, with my heart and my soul. I miss being around people that come from very different backgrounds. I miss going out and talking to people that have no idea about the place that I call home. I miss being around people that appreciate me for who I am. I'm not saying that I don't love those around me... because I do. I'm just saying it's nice to be around people that want to get to know you.

This year has the potential of being a great year for me as well as many of my friends. Already many are learning where they will be going in the near future, I am so excited for them!! For those who are going to be joining the ranks of my brothers in the field of battle, all I'm going to say is this, I hope you are ready. It's a definite change, both emotionally and physically. For the rest, I am excited for you.

I have been having some dreams lately that I haven't had in a while, they aren't near as intense as they use to be but they are still there. They remind me of how lucky I really am to be alive. I am also very lucky to have the people I do in my life. They are lifeblood to me.

I don't know why I feel the way I do. It wasn't good last time, I didn't get anything out of it. I was made of fool of. They take advantage and get away with it. I do things for you I don't normally do. I extend myself to you more than you deserve. Who do you think you are?

So I took my first quiz today... I want to cry.

Oh well, I will pick myself up and dust my shoulders and knees off. I definitely need to devote more time to school work and my fitness. I have been lazy since I got here. I haven't been running like I need to be, there isn't much of a gym here at the dorms. Egyptians don't have the same attitude towards physical fitness as we do. It's cool though, its the culture.

I'm finding that when I get bored I get down on my situation, as in I'm going to be 26 next month and I'm "behind" the times. With the being married and kids thing. Then the other night we were talking over dinner and I found out that most Egyptian men don't get married until they are 30 or so. That is awesome!!!! I realize that the whole "get married and have babies" ideal is just not for me at this time in my life. I want to do so many things before I have to answer to a wife and kid(s).

Those are :

1- Do something really bad ass with the military

2- Go to Europe

3- Work on a ranch for a bit

4- Buy a house

5- Drive a nice car

6- Run an adventure race

7- Law School?

8- Write a book?

9- Blow some shit up

Obviously there is more, I just can't think of anything else right now.


Egypt is awesome and I thank God for this opportunity.

Hey Hey Hey!!!!

So as many people know I am in Egypt. This country is amazing, and so are the people I am here with. We are here for 7 weeks in order to learn the language of Daud... Arabic.

My experience in the language isn't near as vast as I once thought. The crap they taught me in the Marine Corps is pretty much what I just said...crap. I have learned that there are two facets to the language, those being Foussou and Aramia ( I may have mispelled them). Foussou is the written language but it tends to be spoken in formal settings, where as Aramia is the local Egyption (mSreen) dialect.

My teachers are pretty much what I thought they would be, firm yet willing to teach. We as American students have been spoiled and kind of fucked over by our teachers. They (not all) have focused on our emotional well being, I mean they want us to feel good about ourselves. While these teachers are all about carrying your load. I am enjoying my time here so far.

When I stepped off the plane the distinct smell of Arab hit me. It was like I had landed in Ali A Saleem in Kuwiat one more time. Even more so when I would hit the deck in Al Asad in Western Iraq. There are quite a few differences though, one being the absence of road side bombs. Thank God. Another being that Egypt as a whole is more liberal with its culture. Women not only dress how they feel, but they drive cars as well. There are quite a few more but I don't want to sit here and list them all. I am enjoying this time...

We went to the beach the other day, I had a blast. The girls that went with us didn't have so much fun though. They got groped whilst swimming in the Mediterranean. Thats right, I swam in the Med!!!!! Yes, that makes me better than you. It sucks that it happened but in all fairness we were all warned. I know that these people have no idea of personal space or that American women have no problem castrating a man in his sleep for beating them. Hopefully that is the only situation like that to happen. Well, actually I guess some girls got flashed by some dude. I guess he just got their attention and starting masterbating. Thats disgusting, but it happens in Americaland as well.

Well that is all for now.

Alaykum Sala!!