Monday, March 15, 2010

More of my banter

Do you have people in your life that you can honestly say are tough? I'm not talking about the tough that involves beating the hell out of someone, or the tough that you can take a lot of physical pain isn't it either. I'm talking about the mental and emotional toughness aspect.

First person that comes to my mind is my mother. This woman is amazing, to say the very least. My dad will sometimes make a joke when I call her crazy that I will "marry someone just like her." To that I reply, " If I found a woman, that is half of what she is I would marry her in a heart beat..." My mother had to put up with a daughter that literally made a 180 degree turn for the worst at age 13. Watched her get into drugs, get sexually assaulted, run away on many occasions, get pregnant at 17 and so on. She stuck by her and helped her get back to where she is today. A semi-normal older sister. She had to put u p with a VERY stubborn son. It has always been Seth's way or the highway. She had to put up with my frustrations of going to a high school where the masses were LDS and very cliquey. She had to listen to my rants about how I hated playing football for a team that wasn't a team. She would listen to me when I would come home and be upset that all my hard work and dedication was falling on deaf ears. She would nurse me back to health when I would come home beaten up from practice. She knew I was the runt on the team and kept telling me that I was tougher than everyone else. She would always say that I played like I was 10 feet tall and bullet proof. She would sit in stands and watch me play and tell me I was awesome even when I would come home angry and sad because i had just gotten through hearing how it was my fault or that if I was just bigger than it wouldn't have happened how it did. She watched me get hurt on numerous occasions wrestling. I knew she would hide in the back because I didn't want her to see me get hurt. She also signed the enlistment papers without hesitation. None of us knew what was coming my way. She came to see me off the bus my first time coming home and noticed I wasn't smiling. She knew something wasn't right with me. She noticed that I wasn't ok when I came home that first time either. Yet she would sit and listen to me and not give judgement. I knew about her being sick every time I left. I know there were many sleepless nights within my family. Yet she was there every time I got off the bus. I always told her I was untouchable. She knows that bullshit. So my mom is tougher than i could ever be.

The second just happens to be my sister. My sister has had a rough life. We have already gone through some of the things she has been through, well she came out of that. She has a college degree, she is married ( which I don't remember a damn thing from her wedding.) Its a wonder what alcohol and drugs will take from you. I am very proud of her and I know she is doing well.

My friend April. She has had it rough too. She has experienced so many negative aspects of life its unimagineable. I really do like having her as one of my close friends. She has no problem telling me like it is. She has suffered through a bad marriage, being kidnapped by a band of mexican midget wrestlers and forced to sew tiny pants for them (inside joke). She has come so far from where she use to be. I always enjoy spending time with her and Jason her new husband. I often call her to get brought back down to earth when I'm floating a little to high and she is more than willing to do the service of making fun of my bad jokes. Not many people can get me to say "well I guess you got me", she has.

All my friends who have to balance children with a partner that has deployed. I have been on the deployed side and I know the feeling of being away. The difference between us and them is that we know when we are safe. They just know we are away and its not a vacation.

I'm not the best at voicing how I feel, this is my way of doing it. Someday I wish it will be different for me, and maybe someday it will. I look up to a lot of people and try to live my life in a fashion as to not disappoint them. I know quite a few people going through hard times right now. I can't identify with many of you; some of you I can. What I do know is that it will end eventually. I can say that right now I am happier now than I have ever been for quite sometime. I have people in my life that push me both intellectually and physically and I wouldn't have it any other way. Pain isn't permanent, sadness will go away in time.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

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