Saturday, December 18, 2010

Down time...

I have been through a lot in my life, I have experienced things that others wish they could and many things they hope to never be involved. A lot of the time I can keep a positive mental attitude about and see greener pastures, but sometimes I can't. This usually happens when I have down time...

Lately it has been about my future. I took a look back on my life and discovered that I am nowhere near where I wanted to be at this point in my life. I thought by now I would be a successful something or other. I thought I would have a boat, a house, and a kick ass dog or something stupid like that. Well I don't own a dog, I live in house with 6 other dudes and the only boat I own is my ass and it has trouble floating. All of my friends that I grew up with are married and doing the "normal" thing in life. I think that would be nice...sometimes. I remember when I was younger and all I wanted to do was fly airplanes and be cool. I wanted to drive a motorcycle everywhere and surround myself with nothing but hot babes, I see that now and all that comes to mind is the word "tool" and I shutter. Hot women would be cool for like 3 minutes and a motorcycle for me right now would mean even higher insurance, I hate being an adult and seeing both sides of things.

Most of the people I go to school with are on average 4-5 years younger than me, it sucks. They are experiencing things that I did either a lot earlier or I have never had to experience. Most of the time I laugh and think about what their most probable course of action will be and shake my head when I am right. Sometimes they surprise me and do the exact opposite and I am impressed. I need to remember that the events that they are going through are a necessary evil in life and will help them grow. I need to realize that I should stop caring so much for others and turn the attention to myself.

I find that writing is a good way for me to think things through. As I write this blog I have realized that yes, I don't follow "the line" so to speak. I do things my way and I get to experience things that others don't get to and sit back in awe. Often times stuff doesn't work out how I think they will and it ends up being for the better. Just because I think one way will be best, doesn't mean it will and I am not in control. Yea, I'm not successful professional right now, I don't own a damn boat, and I don't have a dog who shits all over my backyard. That will come one day and so will that part of my life. Right now I am forging my future and a life that will be filled with adventure and let downs. It fucking happens, its the adventure along the way I should be excited for and not be focused on how my life is not really moving forward. I'm not married, I don't own a house, and thank God I don't have any kids. Could I be a Dad right now? No, I am immature, I don't care enough to give up my dreams to raise a little shit that I was a party to making. Good grief, me as a Dad? It scares me thinking about it...

You know what? Why am I down? I am happy, I am healthy, I have good people in my life even though sometimes I wonder if they may be a little handicapped. Sometimes I wonder if I'm handicapped as well, nah. Why am I thinking about the future and being sad? I have a ton of things I am going to do, I will go to Law School, I will get out of Utah, I will be someone someday. You can bet your hard earned dollar on that. So what I didn't take the route others did, so what I'm still in college. I don't follow the natural yet boring line in life. I have been able to do things that others only do in video games and on the weekends with they spend more money on it then I made doing and will make doing it. Nothing works out for me like I think they will and it ends up being better anyway.

So I will ride this out just like I always do and focus on the good things and take the bad things and learn from them then beat the shit out of them. I may not become a doctor, engineer, professional athlete, President of the United States, a movie star or whatever. I will still be awesome, I will still be classy.

Why am I down? Forget it, I have shit to do.

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